Subject: Account feedback request – Mobile Pay Monthly
Ref mobile number – 07XXXXXXXX
I recently received notification that you are increasing my monthly charge by around 4% in January. Negligible amount perhaps, but being inside contracted terms and without any changes to product or service and I find this a little cheeky you adorable capitalist scamps, you.
I called to inquire about this and was told that it was in my contract that you were legally within your rights to do so, providing the increase ‘wasn’t excessive’. Far from being the type of pedant who would open a discussion about semantics to prove a point, but how exactly would you quantify ‘excessive’ rationally? It is at its very essence a subjective and unquantifiable word. It must be relative to some sort of measurable scale to provide any context.
Lets do the math(s).
If you had increased by 4%, while increasing my monthly minutes allowance, or by providing a brand new phone, then yes, 4% wouldn’t be excessive at all. You could probably get away with 8% if you notified me by gift card with a chimp wearing humans clothes on the front.
However, a 4% increase for doing nothing is excessive by anyone’s standards. Well that’s not fair, you don’t do nothing, you do what you are contracted to do and I thank you for that. To make this announcement out of the blue seems a bit like suddenly demanding 17p from your wife following a quick bout of poor quality cunnilingus. Even if she’d let herself go and looks like an cranky Gorgon. It’s not much, but it might grind her gallbladder a touch.
I therefore requested an upgrade as a compromise which seems fair to me given I’m 19 months into my contract, but was flatly and quite rudely refused. I was assured a call back from management which never came.
I therefore suspect that this may be personal, so I’d appreciate if you could fill out my Phone Provider Satisfaction Survey. It should only take a few minutes – please could you complete the attached document and return to email@example.com
Your feedback is important to us (me), so thank you for taking the time to complete the survey and I hope that we can reconcile these upsetting differences.
Subject: FW: Account feedback request – Mobile Pay Monthly
I’m definitely taking this personally now – I thought my request was rather jovial, playful and nice – if not a touch irreverent, but it obviously just doused your already throbbing hatred for me in the despicable petrol of unwanted custom. I’ve still not recieved that call I was promised either.
Have you ever been dumped via an accidental text message intended for a friend while eating beans from the tin with your fingers and watching Jeremy Kyle? That’s how this feels. But less beany and more phoney.
My current iPhone (aged nearly 20 months) deleted all of my music again last night and refuses to upload any more. It says all the memory is being used up, but there’s nothing on there. It’s the phone equavalient of a dementia-ravaged old lady staggering around a graveyard glugging a jug of her own urine and shouting at the crows which aren’t in her hair. I just wanted you to know that.
Subject: Re: FW: Account feedback request – Mobile Pay Monthly Reference Number: 02354712
Dear Mr Jorgensen
Thank you for your recent email outlining your concerns about our impending price increase.
Inflation is impacting businesses and consumers alike and we are aware that many customers will be experiencing increased charges from other service suppliers. Orange Price Plans will rise by less than the rate of inflation, as measured by the Retail Price Index (RPI), which currently stands at a 20 year high at 5.4%.
All other call charges, including out-of-plan voice, text and data charges remain unchanged. Our Pay Monthly Terms and Conditions (T’s & C?s) allow us to increase charges by up to the RPI figure in any 12 month period and we have tried to keep these costs to a minimum at just 4.34%. In the event that you would like to check your T?s & C?s I would like to draw your attention to section 4.3 and 4.3.1 which relate directly to this issue.
Whilst we are increasing the base cost of your Price Plan I would like to reassure you that Orange are still committed to providing excellent Customer Service and value for money.
We believe the 4.34% tariff charge increases are reasonable, as they are below RPI, and therefore in real terms are not a material detriment to our customers. RPI for the last 12 months, as published by the government is 5.4%, and we have increased prices by less than this. So a customer paying £15 a month, will see their monthly tariff rise by 64p to £15.64 (inc. VAT) and a customer on a £20 a month tariff will see a 86p increase to £20.86 (inc. VAT) and so on.
If you wish to discuss a change of service plan or adding a bundle which may save you some money each month, please call Customer Services on 150, free from your Orange phone. They are available 7 days a week, 08:00-22:00.
I hope this email has given some context as to why we have introduced the price increases and trust that this clarifies our position.
Orange Online Services
Subject: FW: Account feedback request – Mobile Pay Monthly
Thanks for your feedback.
While I fundamentally disagree with all of the below I appreciate the explanation. It’s not really rationalised the context if I’m honest, it seems abit of a rudimentary template of corporate information and numbers disguised as a personalised response but I suppose this is to be expected.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but the entire point of a contract is so that each party knows where they stand and stops me from saying, for example, I only want to pay 50% just as much as you want to increase my payment by 4%.
However, we do have a way of rectifying this, which is in two steps –
1. Please can you arrange for somebody to fill in my phone provider satisfaction survey which I have attached (again). I originally asked for this to be completed on 2nd December and require this for my records and it will impact whether or not I will continue with Orange in the future. Please can you arrange for this to be completed by close of play tomorrow if possible and emailed to me on firstname.lastname@example.org.
2. I’d like an upgrade on my handset.
Both of these requests are perfectly reasonable.
Should we reach an impasse on this matter I will be looking into making some amendments to our contract myself, or – a deed of variation is the correct legal term as I’m sure you’re aware – obviously with terms that aren’t excessive and which may or may not allow me make payments a few weeks late, demand photographs of Orange representatives howling at the moon, get an upgrade on a monthly basis and have my bill hand-delivered by someone dressed as a sexy seahorse.
This may go some way to help substiantiate your claim below that “Orange are still committed to providing excellent Customer Service “, which I am, to be honest, yet to enjoy to fruitful bosom of.
A phone call from Orange followed this email and I now have a new iPhone 4S. However for legal purposes and brand policy they were unable to fill in my survey.