Ad reply – Carry On Gumtree and Darren’s Console

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Bored and hungover I replied to a Gumtree ad…

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Please can you advise the current state of your console?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Sorry I realised after reading that back it sounded as though I was using a euphemism for the well-being of your genitals.

I did not mean this.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Er, ok. I didn’t think thats what you meant but whatever.

It’s in good condition, only had it for a few months.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Oh right. Well that’s awkward that I brought it up then.

Sorry.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Like I said, whatever. Are you interested in the PS3?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

I am genuinely a little humiliated but thanks for your understanding. Are you not familiar with the term ‘console’ as a euphemism for a gentleman’s destroyer? Perhaps this is restricted to my region.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Shit, sorry, by ‘my region’, I wasn’t referring to my console (i.e. penis and testicles). I’m not having much luck with this am I?

It’s like Carry On Gumtree!


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Again, I didn’t think that’s what you meant, I think it’s in your own head mate.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

I think it may have just been a Freudian slit.

I am interested yes. What games does it have?

Would it be possible for me to inspect the machine before committing to buy? I am a little bit OCD about hygiene and stuff so I just need to check a couple of things.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

*slip. Sorry.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

The games with it are GTA 4, Call Of Duty, and FIFA 12.

You can have a look at if you want but you can see all you need to see from the picture. What hygiene stuff?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Well I read a story about hand bacteria a couple of years back and it’s made me a bit paranoid about cleanliness. So I’d just like to check the pads over.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Check them over for what?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

I’m not pointing any fingers, I just need to check something.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Check what?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

I recall when a friend of mine split up with his girlfriend and went a bit insular. He used to play on a Master League on Pro Evo pretty much 18 hours a day.

He said the only breaks he would have were to masturbate during each transfer window of each season, then continue playing. I’m assuming he didn’t wash his hands in between either.

Like I say, I’m not pointing any fingers, but I’m just a bit of a stickler for hand cleanliness on stuff like pads and door handles.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

What the fuck? So you want to check the pads to see if I’ve been wanking before using them?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Well sort of, but it sounds weirder than it is when you say it like that.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

It is fucking weird. And how do you tell that from looking at them?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

It’s not a big deal, honestly. Just a couple of swabs from the pads then if it’s all good I’ll take the PS3 off your hands.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

You want to swab the controllers? Are you mad?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Honestly, it’s not a big deal. Just a couple of swabs from you and the controllers would take about 3 minutes, if that checks out, we’re all good.

We’ll probably be mates afterwards.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Are you fucking mental? Me and the controllers? You’re not swabbing anywhere near me you freak.

There’s no chance of us being mates either.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

‘swabbing’? Are you referring to masturbating? I can assure you that wasn’t my intention.

I think we probably will be mates if you’d open up a bit.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Sorry, just re-read, I know what you mean now. Ignore my previous email. And by open up, I meant your mind, not your buttocks or anything.

Are you free for me to come over tonight? I just need to know so I can get the cash ready etc.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

I don’t know what the fuck you’re going on about but I’m not interested. I’m going to sell to someone else.

Someone who isn’t talking about wanking and DNA swabs for buying a fucking playstation.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Ok, I think there is a little mix up here. I have mentioned swabs but I am not intending any wanking – I thought we’d clarified that?


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Whatever mate, you’re not coming anywhere near my house


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Sorry I didn’t mean for this to turn out like this. I really want that PS3. Can I just come round to talk it over, I’ll bring money.

No gay stuff, I just really want to get my hands on that console of yours and I’m willing to pay whatever.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

You want to pay to get your hands on my console? Sounds pretty gay to me.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Oh for fuck sake, grow up Darren.


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

ME GROW UP? You’re the one who started all of this you freak. I’m not letting you anywhere near my house.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Are you referring to your penis?


From: Darren
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Go fuck yourself


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Darren
Subject: Reply to your ad: PS3, 3 games and 2 controllers

Author: markjorgy

is YOUR name Swedish or something?

2 thoughts on “Ad reply – Carry On Gumtree and Darren’s Console”

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