Ad reply – Gay Keith and ‘The Fight Bastard’

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Bored and hungover I replied to a Gumtree ad…

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Have you ever eaten grouse?


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

What?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Sorry, wrong person. I was emailing someone else at the same time and mixed them up.


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Lol, ok. Are you interested in the room?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

I’m such a bellend. If it’s any consolation, I asked the girl I was supposed to be emailing about cooking for her how many toilets she had. I think she thought I was referring to her defecation activity, but using childish language. I’ve tried to explain that I would never think that as girls don’t defecate. Well, certainly not the pretty ones.

Yes I’m interested in the flat. Can you let me know some more details?


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

I’m not sure what so say back to that really.

The room is £535 per month which includes bills, internet and sky. It is a shared bathroom and I am a 30 year old professional guy, I work as an accountant, I have 2 cats, I enjoy socialising but not too crazy these days.

Can you tell me about yourself and we can arrange a viewing.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Baby I’ve TOLD you, I meant to email someone else. I would never ask you anything like that. My only concerns about the activities of your bottom would most certainly be those including me!! (Like my birthday J ) xxxx


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Errrr, I think you emailed the wrong person again mate


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Really? Why, what did it say?


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

I don’t really want to repeat it to be honest, just check your sent items.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Oh, wow, Christ. Sorry about that Keith. That was meant for her eyes only. Sorry.

If I sent that to you, that means I’ve just sent my ‘about me’ bit to her. That’s going to cause problems. Shit.


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Right, Ok. Well that’s nothing to do with me. Can you send it on to me anyway.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

It said  –

“I’m a 28 year old masseur, I enjoy playing the clarinet, socialising with friends and I am a semi professional wrestler. You can come and watch!! I’m called ‘The Fight Bastard’. It’s a bit like low budget WWE, but it’s really good fun. I currently have a girlfriend but don’t know how long that’s going to last, she’s a bit like a Tasmanian Devil in a wig these days”

You see my concerns? I did send it to her.


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Oh dear. Yes, I can’t imagine she’ll be pleased with that.  You’re a masseur and wrestler? Sounds interesting…..

Do you want to arrange a viewing?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

You don’t know the half of it mate, she doesn’t know I’m a masseur, or that I’m a wrestler. She’s fine with the clarinet.

Can you help me out….I need to make up an excuse to cover for this. Can I tell her you’re my new flatmate and what I sent her was a profile I was helping you write for a gay dating site?


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

I don’t want to get involved with this, you’re not my flatmate and all of this is putting me off the chance of that happening. Why would it be a gay site?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

I just figured, you know, because of the cats. And you lol’d earlier.


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

What’s gay about cats?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

No, nothing, sorry, I’m sure the cats are really tough.

Can you help me out with Jenny?


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

What’s your problem? Do you think that insulting me is going to make me help you OR let you move in?


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insult you? I will bring round a bottle of wine when I come for the viewing to say sorry. You’re a ‘rose man’ right?


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

A ‘rose man’? You can piss off I’m not interested.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

What’s the problem?


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Well you were obviously calling me gay


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

I don’t care that you’re gay at all? I’m not homophobic in the slightest and I have quite a lot of gay friends. It’s not an issue.


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

I’M NOT FUCKING GAY!!!!


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Wow, evidently not. You’re either a homophobe or a closet, why are you getting so angry?


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Fuck off and stop wasting my time. You’re the one who wrestles around in lycra with men.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Been thinking about that a lot have you? Tell you what, I’ll get you front row seats at the next event if you call Jenny for me and back me up?


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

You are an absolute prick. Fuck you, your gay wrestling, and your probably ugly girlfriend.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Jenny I’m so sorry, I’ve been trying to help out this gay guy I know with a dating profile. He really needed my help, he’s not really got anyone except for these two little cats and I think he’s in need of a man, I was just trying to help him out but turns out he’s an ungrateful wang anyway so I’m not getting involved anymore.

Can I come round and see you tonight? xxx


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

You are fucking unbelievable. Don’t ever email me again.


From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Keith
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Did you ever answer if you’d eaten grouse?


From: Keith
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: Reply to your ad: Room available in 2 Bed Flat

Fuck off.

Author: markjorgy

is YOUR name Swedish or something?

2 thoughts on “Ad reply – Gay Keith and ‘The Fight Bastard’”

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