Ad reply – John The Muggy Whip Thief

Bored and hungover I replied to an ad…

Johns Alfa

 

********

From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Are you trying to mug me off or are you just stupid?


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Excuse me?


 

From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

You know exactly what I’m talking about


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Stop wasting my time.


From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Let me ask you something John, and try not to be a snivelling little mug about it, where and when did you get that car exactly?


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏What business is that of yours?

 


From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Don’t get lemon sunshine, it don’t suit you.

I’ll tell you why it’s my business John, that’s my car which was stolen from me and now you’re mysteriously selling it on fucking Gumtree? Mug.


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

What? I bought this at car auction in Birmingham over a year ago! How do you know it’s yours?

Lemon? What are you talking about?


 

From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

I recognise the car and the licence plate, smart dick.

Is that a pub?


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Is what a pub?


From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Jesus. You’re a pub, John. You are.


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!!!!!!


From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

The Auction. Where is it? Is that where you drink? I need to come down there and have a word with you and them. Nobody steals my car and mugs me off like this.


 

From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

A CAR AUCTION, THAT’S NOT A PUB. AN AUCTION WHERE THEY SELL CARS.


From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

YEA EVIDENTLY WHERE THEY SELL MY FUCKING CAR JOHN!

Are you mugging me off? I’ve Googled it and there is not a single pub called The Car Auction in the UK.

Hang on I’ll try Bing….


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

WHAT??????


From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

YOU AND YOUR MUGGY LITTLE MATES SELLING MY WHIP AT YOUR MUGGY LITTLE PUB.

Nothing on Bing either.  How convenient eh?


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Oh my God, you are incredibly stupid. A whip? I don’t know what you mean.


From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

A whip is slang for a car, do you not listen to hip hop?


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

No I don’t listen to bloody hip hop and I don’t know what that has got to do with anything.

This is getting ridiculous. If you’ve got a problem, you need to report it to Gumtree or the Police.


From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Yea you wish John. I’m not a Police kind of geezer, understand?

 


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

No I don’t understand. Are you threatening me?

 


From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Don’t start acting like a melt now sugartits, you and your muggy little pals robbed my fucking Audi, now you’re trying to sell it.

Nobody mugs me off like that.


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Audi? This is an Alfa!!!!!!

 


 

From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Fuck off is it. I’m not a prick John. I know an Audi when I see one. Especially my fucking Audi


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

What? This is an Alfa Romeo 147….. LOOK AT THE PICTURE YOU RETARD.


From: Mark

To: John

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Oh yea. Actually, my Audi was blue as well, not red. Sorry about that.

That’s not a bad looking whip you got there though, how much you want for it?

Does it have a log book? I’ve had some bad experiences with stolen cars in the past.


From: John

To: Mark

Subject: Reply to your ad: For sale

 

Fuck you.

Author: markjorgy

is YOUR name Swedish or something?

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