BT Complaint Round 2 – Come At Me Bro!

*I again copied in the CEO*

 

Dear BT,

Recently, you and I had a bit of a bicker, which you can read here. You did some things (like over charge me for years for a service you weren’t properly providing). I said some things (like you chew with your mouth open and you are worse than environMENTALIST pelican botherers BP). Then we cleared the air. It was all left behind us and we could move on, linking hands and skipping merrily across a meadow together.

Or so I thought. Since the technical issues at your side were fixed, and the billing issues at your side were apparently addressed, it transpires you have been charging me nearly 300% our agreed amount for absolutely no reason at all. In a series of complaints, I have been told 3 completely separate baffling technical reasons why this has happened, 3 different baffling technical ways to resolve it.

The one thing not one person has said is “Sorry about that sir, what a cock up. It’s some technical issue on our side I won’t bore you with the details, we’ll fix it and refund you immediately!”

I’m going to outline a hypothetical customer journey with BT.

Imagine you suddenly discover that your internet provider has, out of nowhere, changed you £100 per month instead of the £40 flat fee you’ve agreed in writing following a relatively high level complaint.

I’m going to skip the initial automated answering merry-go-round in the interests of brevity.

Call 1

So what seems to be the problem sir?

You have randomly taken £100 out of my account instead of the agreed £40 for the last two months?

I see. Let’s have a look. Ah yes, I can see this relates to a glitch about the billing cycle you use. It’s not a problem.

Well it is a problem.

No, you see, what’s happened is, your type of account can sometimes be subject to something we call a MOSW, which is a Money Out Snatch Whim, it relates to estimates on how you hold the hand set when you make phone calls.

I’ve told you as an organisation approximately 50 times that I don’t make phone calls. The phone line is for the broadband

That’s why we estimate, you see.

That doesn’t make any sense. Please change my bill and refund the error.

Hmmmm, I’m not sure we can do that on this bill method.

I don’t care what bill method you use, that’s your problem. You are charging more than we agreed.

I will have to call you back tomorrow if that’s ok sir?

Fine.

 

Call 2 (2 days later)

Hi I’m calling in relation to your complaint about the error with your phone connection?

WHAT? I DON’T HAVE A PHONE!!!!!!!! I COMPLAINED ABOUT CHARGES.

That is not what our notes say, sir.

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR NOTES SAY

*you explain issue again in painstaking detail while you know zero notes are being taken*

Oh that is a pickle sir, let’s have a look. I think I’ve spotted the problem. The reason you’ve been charged extra is due to a billing estimation based on heavy broadband.

Heavy broadband?

Yes it’s not a problem, it’s quite common.

It is a problem.

No, you see sir, what happens is, sometimes the internet we provide is subject to surges in electromagnetic fields around the globe. This can make some of the internet that we provide you extremely heavy and therefore costs a little extra. As you can imagine, there is little way for us to tell which of the internet is heavy, so this is estimated based on the weight of your previous usage.

I don’t know what any of that means. It’s absolutely ridiculous. I have a flat fee, for unlimited broadband with no usage-based charges.  

Hmmm, that is strange. Are you a Leo?

WHAT?!!!!!

Sometimes there can be astrological issues which can cause billing glitches.

I don’t care about the reasons. I pay £40, not £100. Fix it, and refund me.

Hmmm, I’ll have to look into it and call you back. Call I call you tomorrow?

 

Call 3 (2 days later)

Hi I’m calling about the replacement broadband hub you’ve requested?

WHAT!!!!?!!!!! ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME? IS THIS FONEJACKER OR SOMETHING?

There’s no need to be quite so angry sir.

*you explain issue again in painstaking detail while you know zero notes are being taken*

That is not what our notes say sir, but I know what the problem is. I’ve seen this before. You see, the billing cycle you are on can sometimes be subject to anomaly known as ‘the ghost of broadband past’. This is basically a semi-fictional gelatinous blob of unpaid bills from around the world which have banded together and erroneously travel around our customer records searching for their rightful home. It can cause billing fluctuations. It’s not a problem.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, NOR DO I CARE AND IT IS A PROBLEM. WE AGREED £40 PER MONTH, I DO NOT PAY ANY MORE THAN THIS. UNDERSTOOD? YOU HAVE TAKEN EXCESS CHARGES. REFUND IT.

Hmmm, are you left handed sir?

WHAT?!!!

You see, on the billing cycle you use, you can….

*CLICK*

I have exaggerated for illustrative purposes, but genuinely it’s not that far off.

Thought I’d give you feedback. There is a very helpful guy called Carl XXXX who has been assisting with this hopefully it will be resolved today with a full refund. Gary XXXX was as helpful as an erection in church FYI.

If the issue is not rectified and monies refunded within a day or two, I will cancel my account and all future payments with my bank, as you clearly cannot be trusted with billing me.  You could feel free to send me future paper bills through the post, but *SPOILER ALERT*……………I will not be paying them. You’d be more than welcome to pursue this in a small claims court as any objective analysis of this situation would side with me.

In summary:

come at me bro

I hope it doesn’t come to that.

Ta

M x


 

From: Carl XXX
To: Mark Jorgensen
Subject: RE: VOL012-101408173010

Hello Mr Jorgensen

Just to tie up the loose ends following our conversation yesterday. I’ve actioned the ex gratia £60.00 credit to your account and it’s now on its way to your bank account. This should be with you within 5 working days.

Just to break the figures down. £51.41 was the original overpayment shown on your account. £50.00 was refunded yesterday – my fiscal limit and the remaining discussed £10.00 earlier today.

The total refund is £111.41.

You’ll get a text confirmation of a date change shortly to ensure that effective from the April bill, we take payment purely for your rental charges each month on or after the 26th of each month.

Thank you for the opportunity to resolve matters to your satisfaction.

Carl

BT Customer Resolutions


 

From: Mark Jorgensen
To: Carl XXX
Subject: Re: VOL012-101408173010

Fabulous. Thanks Carl.

Appreciate your help on this.

M

 

Author: markjorgy

is YOUR name Swedish or something?

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