Complaint to Cadburys – Goldless Wispa and Peter Gabriel

  For reference, you can always find any UK CEO’s email address on this website, helps for being a prick. From: Mark Jorgensen To: Mondelez International Consumer Service Subject: Careless Wispa Gold Hi Cadbury As you can tell from the George Michael reference in the heading, I’m a bit of a ‘muso’. If you asked anyone whoContinue reading “Complaint to Cadburys – Goldless Wispa and Peter Gabriel”

Complaint to BT: MY Invoice

*It’s important to note that with this email I copied in the personal email of Joe Garner, CEO of BT Openreach/Broadband* Dear BT, Usually when I complain to companies, I have a pretty regimented structure which goes thusly: Intro with a compliment to gain trust Some form of ridiculous whimsy or other Then the cruxContinue reading “Complaint to BT: MY Invoice”

Spiders On A Tram – Letter To Metrolink

From: Mark Jorgensen To: Customer Services Subject: SPIDERS ON A TRAM Hi, I live and work in Manchester city centre so I seldom have a use for the tram network. Nevertheless, I occasionally pop out to the suburbs on a middle class pilgrimage to seek the wonders of Disbury’s dried spice market, haberdasheries, or sometimesContinue reading “Spiders On A Tram – Letter To Metrolink”

Letter to Lurpak – I’d like to discuss your understanding of the word ‘spreadable’

Subject: Re: A message from the Lurpak website From: Lurpak Consumer Services To: Mark Jorgensen Hi Mark, We are continually monitoring these forms. Feel free to send me your enquiry and I will pass it to the appropriate team. Thanks, Community Manager, Lurpak ************************************************************************************* Subject: Re: A message from the Lurpak website From: Mark JorgensenContinue reading “Letter to Lurpak – I’d like to discuss your understanding of the word ‘spreadable’”

Letter to Walkers Crisps – battered by a crisp-daft Frenchman

From: Mark Jorgensen To: Subject: Walkers Crinkles Dear Walkers, Firstly I’d like to offer my congratulations on your longstanding excellence in the crisp game. Your salt and vinegar flavour has been my crisp of choice for as long as I can remember. They have added a sumptuous sandwich-enhancing crunch to many a lunchtime throughoutContinue reading “Letter to Walkers Crisps – battered by a crisp-daft Frenchman”

Manchester City Council – Oversight of the Twelfth Night

From: To: Subject: A concerned citizen Dear Manchester City Council, I hope you’re all doing well at the council and may I take the time to wish you all a (belated) happy new year. I think all in all 2011 was a testing year not just yourselves but for the public sector inContinue reading “Manchester City Council – Oversight of the Twelfth Night”

Complaint letter to Chuppa Chups

Dear Sir, Before get to the main crux of my point, I was bemused when I recently discovered that the Chuppa Chups logo was designed by none other than Salvador Dali?!! I’ve never before thought to combine surrealist art with lollipops but I guess the renegade decision to impale what is ostensibly a boiled sweetContinue reading “Complaint letter to Chuppa Chups”