spam email – MarkJorgy

Ad reply – Spacewagon Pete

Bored and hungover I replied to an ad…

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

I just got a blank email about my ad, are you interested in the car?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Sorry you’ve lost me mate.

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

The ad for a Mitsubishi Spacewagon? You must have looked at it to reply?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Sorry I don’t have a Mitsubishi Spacewagon so I’m not sure if I can help you. There’s a garage near where I live who I know have a range of old Mitsubishi’s, I can ask there if you like?

It’s run by a bit of an inscrutable Chinaman named Derek. I think my mate Steve bought a Shogun off him a bit ago and got a good deal.

Thanks

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

What? I’m not looking to buy one, I’m selling one. You replied to my ad hence the title of the email? Check your sent box.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Why are you asking me about one if you’re selling one?

Do you want Derek’s number?

Thanks

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

I don’t want anyone’s number. You replied to my ad, that’s why I mailed you. How do you not understand this?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Pete – apologies.

I seem to have been a colossal ballbag here. I checked my inbox and our emails and I see what has happened. My wife has been talking about a new car and I know she likes Mitsubishi’s. She must have done this on my laptop. Quite why she’d send a blank email is beyond me to be honest Pete – she’s a fucking nightmare.

Sick of her.

But admittedly I did forget our anniversary (me and her, not me and you, that would be weird) and went to play Quasar with my mates, so I probably owe her a car or a necklace something.

Is it still for sale?

Thanks

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Yes why do you think I’m still emailing you?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

I see – that was fairly curt Pete.

Ok, I’m interested in the car, what’s the damage?

Thanks

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

It’s on for £1,080

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Oh. I didn’t mean the price, I meant actual damage.

But for £1080 it better actually wagon her to space, Pete.

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

There is no damage except for a very slight dent in the bumper which I have taken into account in the price.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Ok I can see you’re no mug, Pete. I do like a good haggle – may the best man win.

£1200

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Er…ok. If you haggle aren’t you supposed to start lower? But I’ll happily take £1200

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Don’t patronise me Pete, I’ve been haggling long before your fathers father was selling fucking Spacewagon’s.

£1000 (OBO)

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

I’ve got other people interested in this and this is beginning to do my head in. You’re bidding and I don’t even know if you’ve seen the car.

OBO is ‘or best offer’ so that’s not for you as the bidder to say.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Really? I saw it in an Autotrader magazine at my Dad’s and just thought it sounded cool.

Ok Pete, I am interested, but I’m not paying any more than £1070.

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Fine. Deal. Where are you based?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Don’t you think Spacewagon sounds really unnecessarily dramatic and it’s a bit of a letdown to find out what it is? Like when you hear LASER JET and then find out it’s a printer? LASER and JET should be more Bond villain than Maplins, don’t you think?

I might advertise my wife as LESBI WHORE in a similar light. Don’t suppose you’ll take her as part exchange would you Pete?

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

I guess, but can we just stick to sorting this out.

I’m in Bristol, where do you want to meet?

I thought you were buying this for your wife? And if she’s got access to your mail then you’d better watch your back writing stuff like this.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

I’ve had enough of her Pete. I’m starting to think she’s having an affair anyway. I’ve been inspecting her clothes for traces of semen but not found anything yet. I’m like the Poirot of the miserable bastard husband world.

You don’t know where I can get one of those blacklight things from do you Pete? You know the ones they have on those TV ‘shock docs’ when they show that there are 11 pints of jizz on every Travelodge pillow?

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Mark, when and where do you want to meet to sort out the car?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Well definitely not in a Travelodge right? Heh heh

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

I need to sell this car. If you’re paying £1070 then I’ll take it. If not, just forget about it and stop pissing around.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Alright, chill out Pete don’t get sand in your vagina.

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

DO YOU WANT THE FUCKING CAR OR NOT MARK?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

YES I FUCKING DO PETER.

Jesus, you’re really unprofessional.

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

I don’t even know what to say to that. I’m not trying to be professional, I’m trying to sell my car and you’re making it really difficult. How are you paying? Cash would be best.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

This is Mark’s wife. I’m glad you and my husband have been having a laugh at my expense.

Fuck you and your Spacewagon.

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

What? I’m just selling a car, I’ve not said anything. Are you buying the car or not? If not, just stop emailing me.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

What the fuck is a Spacewagon anyway? Sounds geeky.

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Forget it.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Sorry Pete, its Mark again, I just went to town to get the cash and that FUCKING BITCH has been on my email again I see. Well not any more, I’ve changed the password to KARENSGOTAFATARSE! (Heh heh)

I’ve got £1050 in cash, is that ok?

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Fine. Where is good for you? Services on the M5 is probably the best if it’s half way?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

An M5? Thought I was buying a Spacewagon? I don’t like German cars. Not racist or anything.

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

FOR. FUCK. SAKE. THE FUCKING MOTORWAY THE M5.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Sorry you’ve lost me mate.

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Fuck off. Forget it.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Any news on that black light? I don’t want to push you on it but I’m starting to think you’re messing me around with it.

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Fuck off.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

The words ‘Spacewagon Pete’ are now actually referenced in our divorce papers.

So now I’ve split with her I don’t need the blacklight. Thanks for nothing.

From: Peter

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

Fuck off. I was never going to get you a fucking black light. You are a fucking weirdo.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Peter

Subject: Reply to your ad: MITSUBISHI SPACEWAGON

£1300 OBO?

Ad reply – Mike wants some free fish

Google+

Bored and hungover I replied to an ad…

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Mike

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Hi,

I’m a keen fish collector. Is there a name for that? Sounds like there should be!!! If anyone should know it should be me I suppose. Let’s go for fintologist. As an avid fintologist, I’ve got loads of fish available.

What was it you were looking for?

Thanks

From: Mike

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

That was a weird email. But yea I’ve got a tropical fish tank so looking for fish. I’ve got all the right equipment so they will be well looked after.

What have you got for tropical fish?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Mike

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Thanks for the mail. Ha, it was a bit weird wasn’t it – I do that.

What do you mean exactly by ‘tropical fish’? Seems vague.

Thanks

From: Mike

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Are you serious? I thought you were a ‘fintologist’ whatever that is and you don’t know what a tropical fish is?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Mike

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Of course I know what a tropical fishes are. They’re a beautiful species, I have three of them. One male, two female. They’re called, Mal, Val and Spanky.

And I do know an awful lot about fish! You’d be surprised! Last Christmas my mother and I played a sort of home-made version of Mastermind before Wallace and Gromit started. I chose “fish and fish-like creatures” as my chosen subject and scored a whopping 17 out of 18 within the allotted time! I disputed the score with Magnus (my mother) as the last question was “why do you know so much about fish you smug little prick?” which I contested as an invalid question but was overruled by Magnus (my mother). Mother went on to beat me soundly in the general knowledge round as Magnus (me) was a lot more reasonable for her round than he (my mother) was during mine.

Thanks

From: Mike

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Listen mate, I’m not really bothered about what you, your mum or Magnus do at Christmas, I’m just after some tropical fish. Which aren’t a fucking species, tropical fish means the climate and temperature of the water they are in. You don’t know as much about fish or fish-like creatures as you think.

Do you have any or not?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Mike

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Hi Mike,

Ah, sorry, I’ve got you – my mistake. There is a species of tropical fish, called ‘the tropical fish’. I believe they’re a type of guppy – or the Poecilia reticulate, or millionfish. I have three of those.

See I know more than you credit me with. Ask me another question?

Thanks

From: Mike

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Here’s a question….have you got any fucking fish or not?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Mike

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Ok, you’ve stumped me Magnus (you). What’s a ‘fucking fish’? Are they tropical?

From: Mike

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

STOP FUCKING ME ABOUT. DO YOU HAVE ANY FISH I CAN HAVE OR NOT?

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Mike

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Ok, Ok! Jesus Mike, calm down. There’s no need to get your gills in a flutter.

Yes I do. I have a Siamese fighting fish, a black ghost knife fish, some neon tetras etc etc

I have a range of both freshwater and saltwater tropical fish depending on what your set up is. I can give you a full list if you stop being such a wang about it.

Thanks

From: Mike

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

I’m being a wang? Are you for real? Your doing my head in. I have freshwater.

Send me the list

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Mike

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Right, I’ve just checked my stock and it seems all I’ve got left is this tin of indiscriminate Russian fish mouths. Which I’ve already opened.

I’ll happily bring them round to yours on the proviso that you let me inspect your set up and agree to brush the teeth once a week.

Thanks

From: Mike

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

YOU ARE A FUCKING PRICK. TELL YOU WHAT, BRING THEM ROUND AND I’LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FUCKING MOUTH.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Mike

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Hi Mike,

I think in light of this violent outburst I’ve decided I’m not happy about the thought of giving you any fish. I think you have anger problems and I don’t think that is conducive to correctly looking after pets.

I’m sorry about that. I ‘fish’ you the best for the future. (Sorry, I do love a good pun).

Thanks

From: Mike

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

YOU ARE A FUCKING TIME WASTING CUNT. IF I EVER FIND YOU I’M GOING TO KICK THE FUCK OUT OF YOU.

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Mike

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

Hi Mike,

You see? It’s this sort of crabby attitude which means I think you would be an untrustworthy and shellfish pet owner.

Good day sir.

From: Mike

To: Mark Jorgensen

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

CUNT

From: Mark Jorgensen

To: Mike

Subject: Reply to your ad: Wanted free fish

(me)

How to deal with a spam email part 6 – Business investment for blind dogs

Google+

To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
From: stevenjms7@aol.com

Subject: Proposal for you

Hello,

I am an investor looking to invest in entrepreneurial teams with big
ideas and a need for seed capital to turn their ideas into great
companies. I believe every business man is basically an entrepreneur,
for we all strive to achieve optimal goals using limited resources.In
seeking out worthwhile investment opportunities, We are always on the
look out for ventures whose principals exhibit a high level of
creativity combined with the right amount of experience in the chosen
field.

James Steven

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

To: stevenjms7@aol.com
Subject: Proposal for you

Hi James,

Thanks for the email – that sounds ideal.

I have a couple of business ideas and will put them to your affiliate investors, but I wanted to run one of them by you before sending across my business plan if that’s ok?

The idea is to set up a company called ‘Wonk-Eyed Spaniel”

This business will provide guide humans for blind dogs, under a tag line of “Never will a blind dog stand in human shit again.”

What do you think? I have put together some detailed projected figures for it but your input would be invaluable.

Thanks
Mark

From: stevenjms7@aol.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Proposal for you

Hello Mark,

Thanks for your email,I have discussed extensively with our affiliate investor (Majid Al Futtaim Group) and they are looking for people with big ideas and a good business plan that can yield profits in a couple of years. They are willing to provide you with the required capital. We are not restricted to a particular area, we are open to all of areas of business all that matters is the profit that comes in.

Find below the group investment adviser Saeed Al-Balla, do contact him on the below email address with your detailed business plan.

Omran Saeed Al-Balla

Email:saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com

Do keep me informed with your contact with Al Futtaim Group.

Regards

James Steven

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

To: stevenjms7@aol.com
Subject: Proposal for you

Hi James,

Ok James, I appreciate you are eager to get this project moving (I assume you’re taking a cut from Majid Al Futtaim Group?)

But I feel we should get my proposition as solid as possible before I take it to the big boys? A bit like Dragons Den; I’ll be the prospective investee, and you be that little glass-eyed gremlin chap who lives under the stairs?

What say you? What do you think of my business? Shall I send the numbers over?

Thanks
Mark

From: stevenjms7@aol.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Proposal for you

Hello Mark,

Thanks for your email. I am in regular contact with Majid Al Futtaim Group. Your idea is big business potential and they are excited to receive your investment opportunity.

Regards

James Steven

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

To: stevenjms7@aol.com

To: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com

Subject: Proposal for you

Hi James/Saeed

Ok so here is the official business plan for Wonk-Eyed Spaniel Ltd (WES Ltd).

Below you will see I have done a detailed schematic drawing of how the service will work. You will notice how happy the dog looks despite his blindness – that adorable little smile embodies everything WES stands for.

I have also included a logo design of the company name within a coiled turd. I am open to suggestions on this.

In order to make this happen I will require an investment of £300,000 which will be broken down as follows –

£50,000 Harness design/testing

£50,000 Harness production

£50,000 Sourcing, ‘educational torture’, training of human guides

£50,000 Marketing

£50,000 Refreshments and dog treats

£50,000 miscellaneous expenses

In exchange for the investment of £300,000 I am willing to offer a 7% equity in my business. With my projected forecast, I expect you to have received a full return on investment within 8 months.

Let the negotiations begin fellas.

Kind regards

Mark Jorgensen

Rebel Commander

Wonk Eyed Spaniel Ltd

From: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Proposal for you

Hi Mark,

Your business proposition is exciting and we are confident of the value of our investment.

To arrange for transfer of monies and sign contracts please provide the following

Your name in full———–
You’re Home Address———
You’re Office Address———-
You’re telephone ———–
You’re Mobile Phone————
You’re Nationality———-

Omran Saeed Al-Balla

Al Futtaim Group.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

To: stevenjms7@aol.com

To: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com

Subject: Proposal for you

Hi Saeed

No negotiation whatsoever? What kind of investment company is this?

You would never see Duncan Bannatyne or that burly harridan one just roll over and present their financial anus quite so easily?

I’m suspicious.

Mark

WES

From: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Proposal for you

Hi Mark,

We would not like to negotiate, your business proposition is exciting and we are confident of the value of our investment.

To arrange for transfer of monies and sign contracts please provide the following

Your name in full———–
You’re Home Address———
You’re Office Address———-
You’re telephone ———–
You’re Mobile Phone————
You’re Nationality———-

Omran Saeed Al-Balla

Al Futtaim Group.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

To: stevenjms7@aol.com

To: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com

Subject: Proposal for you

Hi,

In that case, I’d like £400,000 for 6% of my business.

Someone has to have some commercial bollocks around here.

Regards

Mark

From: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Proposal for you

Hi Mark,

We agree to your terms. Please provide –

Your name in full———–
You’re Home Address———
You’re Office Address———-
You’re telephone ———–
You’re Mobile Phone————
You’re Nationality———-

Omran Saeed Al-Balla

Al Futtaim Group.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

To: stevenjms7@aol.com

To: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com

Subject: Proposal for you

Hmm. I’d also like a brand new office in central Manchester. This must be complete with a state of the art human farming facility to keep a steady flow of guides being bread.

From: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Proposal for you

Hi Mark,

We agree to your terms. Please provide –

Your name in full———–
You’re Home Address———
You’re Office Address———-
You’re telephone ———–
You’re Mobile Phone————
You’re Nationality———-

Omran Saeed Al-Balla

Al Futtaim Group.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

To: stevenjms7@aol.com

To: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com

Subject: Proposal for you

Saeed,

You’re not going to believe this.

Yesterday I was playing netball in a local park to do some much-needed exercise as catharsis to ease the strain from our tense negotiations – I’m sure you’re also feeling the heat.

Anyway, while pivoting majestically to score, I was attacked out of the blue by a giant slobbering red setter. At first I thought he was just excitably greeting me or at worst, trying to dry hump my leg with his horrid lipstick phallus.

It soon became clear that his intentions were far more sinister and, with his owner nowhere to be seen, he attempted to bite my neck to pierce my jugular.

In the heat of the moment I did all I could to save myself and stabbed the frantic hound in both eyes with my key, which worked as he haplessly blundered away howling like a hairy twerp. .

As a result, it is with regret that I inform you that I no longer feel comfortable with this business proposition.

Mark Jorgensen

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

To: stevenjms7@aol.com

To: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com

Subject: Proposal for you

Saeed? I am concerned that I have not heard back from you.

If you choose to run with my idea then you have my backing but I’d like a cut of 10%.

Shall I send you all of my details for you to set me up as non-executive chairman?

From: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Proposal for you

Hi Mark,

Yes we agree to your changed terms. Please provide –

Your name in full———–
You’re Home Address———
You’re Office Address———-
You’re telephone ———–
You’re Mobile Phone————
You’re Nationality———-

Omran Saeed Al-Balla

Al Futtaim Group.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

To: stevenjms7@aol.com

To: saeed.al-balla@majldalfuttaim.com

Subject: Proposal for you

Oh thanks for the concern for my well-being? You didn’t even mention it?

I’ve had a change of heart and I have trademarked my idea and the company name.

I have also trademarked the same business proposal for an array of creatures ranging from the humble mouse to the mighty mountain goose.

I suggest you need to brush up on both your business acumen and people skills, this has been nothing short of a farce.

Dragons Den? Wankers Pit, more like. Good day sir.

How to deal with a spam email 5 – bitten on the cock by a horsefly

Subject: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏
From: windowslive2000@gmail.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

ACCOUNT UPDATE VERIFICATION

Dear Valid User,
Our Account users discovered series of illegal attempts on your mail account from different IP locations.This is for your own safety to avoid your account closed, you will have to verify your account by filling out your Log-in below by clicking the reply button. We apologies for any inconveniences.

User name :
Password :
Date Of Birth :
Occupation :
Country Of Residence :

After receiving the information requested you will be able to continue using your Account.

Customer Care 71594822
Copyright © 2011 Mail! Inc. (Co. Reg. No. 2344507D)All Rights
Reserved. Intellectual Property Rights

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: windowslive2000@gmail.com
Subject: RE: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏

Hi Valid email providers,

Jesus titfucking crikey!! Sounds like I dodged a giant electronic shitbullet there, good work team!

Was there any indication what the nature of these attempts were? How do we set about finding these vile perpetrators? I bet it was some form of internet based sex people trying to buy huge fist-shaped dildos or penis enlargement dance classes in my name or something.

What are the next steps?

Yours gratefully
M

Subject: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏
From: windowslive2000@gmail.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

ACCOUNT UPDATE VERIFICATION

Dear Valid User,

We cannot provide you with details of the hack until we have verified your details.

User name :
Password :
Date Of Birth :
Occupation :
Country Of Residence :

Apologies for any inconveniences.

After receiving the information requested you will be able to continue using your Account.

Customer Care 71594822
Copyright © 2011 Mail! Inc. (Co. Reg. No. 2344507D)All Rights
Reserved. Intellectual Property Rights

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: windowslive2000@gmail.com
Subject: RE: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏

Hi Valid email providers,

Shitwhistles! That is inconvenient.

I am extremely eager to get this rectified. However, I’m thinking this may work to my advantage…..last week I got really drunk on some crème de menthe I found in my pantry from Christmas ’96. I think it was a bit off and I ended up emailing an ex of mine telling her I still love her and if she doesn’t take me back I’m going to kill myself.

I think followed that up with a request for her to perform a “Nicaraguan snake charmer” on me, which I can only assume is some demented sex position but I’ve since searched for it online and can’t find anything so I must have invented it. I dread to imagine what it would involve.

Cut a long story short, she now hates me. Would it be possible for you to write an email to her confirming that my account had been hacked and that those emails weren’t from me? That would really help me out, and seen as it nearly happened anyway….why not use it to my advantage?

Thanks

Subject: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏
From: windowslive2000@gmail.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
ACCOUNT UPDATE VERIFICATION

Dear Valid User,

We may not confirm anything until we have verified your account.

Please forward the requested details immediately to avoid account closure.

Customer Care 71594822
Copyright © 2011 Mail! Inc. (Co. Reg. No. 2344507D)All Rights
Reserved. Intellectual Property Rights

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: windowslive2000@gmail.com
Subject: RE: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏

Hi Valid email providers,

I don’t really speak any of that technical internet mumbo jumbo so I presume that meant yes you’ll help! I am indebted to you for this, thank you.

If I end up getting a blow job out of this then I’ll send you a basket of fruit and sandwiches. Where are Hotmail based?

Shall I give you her email?

Subject: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏
From: windowslive2000@gmail.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
ACCOUNT UPDATE VERIFICATION

This account will close if we cannot verify your details

Please respond immediately.

Customer Care 71594822
Copyright © 2011 Mail! Inc. (Co. Reg. No. 2344507D)All Rights
Reserved. Intellectual Property Rights

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: windowslive2000@gmail.com
Subject: RE: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏

Which account? Hers or mine? I’m getting confused about all of this. Why would you close her account?

I just want you to help me win her back and I hardly think closing my only method of communication with her is the way to go about it do you?

Whose side are you on?

Subject: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏
From: windowslive2000@gmail.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
ACCOUNT UPDATE VERIFICATION

Your account will close if we cannot verify your details

Please respond immediately.

Customer Care 71594822
Copyright © 2011 Mail! Inc. (Co. Reg. No. 2344507D)All Rights
Reserved. Intellectual Property Rights

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: windowslive2000@gmail.com
Subject: RE: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏

Jesus, that was a bit curt. I’ll just ring her and try to apologise instead as I’m not sure you can be trusted. My chances of getting a blow job are now charred in the embers of your incompetence.

Fat lot of good you were. Can I have the name of your supervisor please?

Subject: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏
From: windowslive2000@gmail.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
ACCOUNT UPDATE VERIFICATION

We will be forced to close your account if you do not confirm the required detail

Please respond immediately.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: windowslive2000@gmail.com
Subject: RE: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏

Sorry, I got a bit wound up then, I’ve come out for a walk in the hills to calm down.

Have you ever felt the cool winter breeze flutter delicately around your naked scrotum? It’s sensational. Who needs a blow job? Or an email account for that matter; I’m going to stand up here doing lunges for ever.

Fuck the world, fuck hotmail, fuck my ex girlfriend and more importantly, fuck your supervisor.

Come and join me if you like? No gay stuff, like. Just two dudes, naked, the breeze, it’ll be amazing. You in?

Sent from my iPhone

Subject: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏
From: windowslive2000@gmail.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
ACCOUNT UPDATE VERIFICATION

Your account will be suspendedimmediately unless we receive verification.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: windowslive2000@gmail.com
Subject: RE: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏

I just got bitten on the groin by a horsefly. My cock and balls now look like Andrew Lloyd Webber.

First my ex and now you let this happen? What is the name of your supervisor?

Sent from my iPhone

Subject: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏
From: windowslive2000@gmail.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
ACCOUNT UPDATE VERIFICATION

Your account will be suspended immediately unless we receive verification.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: windowslive2000@gmail.com
Subject: RE: ***Account Closure (WARNING)***‏

Interesting you use a gmail account being from Hotmail and all. You know, I’m going to just write letters in future. Thanks anyway though

I’m going back up the hill once I get out of A&E, you coming?

Sent from my iPhone

How to deal with a spam email 4 – Jim’s whacky tromboning adventure

From: jameskabore_859@msn.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Good day my good friend

Good day my good friend,

Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr James Kabore, an accounts officer with Bank of Africa here in Burkina Faso West Africa.

I am writing you this letter based on the latest development at my bank which I will like to bring to your personal edification. ($9million) transfer claim in to your bank account.

Pleaded, do reply for more detail on how we are going to proceed if you are interested. And also you can contact me via me email: (jameskabore_859@msn.com)

Mr James Kabore

+22675447235

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: jameskabore_859@msn.com
Subject: Good day my good friend

Hi James,

Sounds good. If you’ve got $9m for me then I’ve got an hour of the hottest tromboning you’ll ever have with your exotic name written all over it Jimbo.

Cheers babe

Mark

From: jameskabore_859@msn.com
Subject: please do read the detail and comply accordingly
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk

Dear partner.Thank you for prompt reply towards my contacting you in this benefiting business proposal also your willingness to assist me on getting this fund transfers into your nominated bank account for sharing and investment in your country.Considering the fact I am still in active service with the bank, so I shall not like anything that shall be risk, this is reason you should understand this transaction is 100% risk free, and a hitch free business transaction.There is no doubt in your eligibility as the legal next of kin or associate to our deceased customer and owner of the account number (BOA) NADB4934109 with the following reasons:Kindly send me your requested assurance information’s as follows:
1. Your name in full———–
2. You’re Home Address———
3. You’re Office Address———-
4. You’re telephone ———–
5. You’re Mobile Phone————
6. You’re Nationality———-
7. You’re Occupation———–
8. You’re age and sex———–
9. You’re Gender—————Best Regards
Mr. James Kabore.
+22675447235

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: jameskabore_859@msn.com
Subject: Good day my good friend

Oh Jimbo I do love how formal you’re being about all of this.

I know you’re as excited about my tromboning offer as I am about the $9m, but you’re just being so gosh darn cool about it. I like that; you’re like Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca or something. I wouldn’t want you to get into any trouble at the bank about this either.

One thing though, I must ask that you ensure discretion about all of this tromboning stuff on par with my silence toward the bank. My wife would be furious if she found out I was fellating men from a foreign land for money again. The last time she caught me I was jerking off Korean businessman for the money for a taxi home. She called me a ‘rancid little rent boy’ and I had to sleep in the shed for a month. Miserable and ugly crone, she is. I hate her to be honest but think we’ve gone too far to turn back.

Can you ensure your discretion before we proceed? I will send you my details.

Ta babe

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: jameskabore_859@msn.com
Subject: Good day my good friend

…Just one thing Jim. I noticed you called me ‘partner’ in the last email.

I think we should take this one step at a time if that’s ok? As I say, I have a wife so think we should see how the money transfer and tromboning goes, and then we can discuss taking things further between us.

I hope you understand.

From: jameskabore_859@msn.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Good day my good friend

Dear Partner

I confirm receipt of your corresponding.

Kindly send me your requested assurance information’s for me to complete the transaction as follows:
1. Your name in full———–
2. You’re Home Address———
3. You’re Office Address———-
4. You’re telephone ———–
5. You’re Mobile Phone————
6. You’re Nationality———-
7. You’re Occupation———–
8. You’re age and sex———–
9. You’re Gender—————

Best Regards
Mr. James Kabore.
+22675447235

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: jameskabore_859@msn.com
Subject: Good day my good friend

Jim I explained the partner scenario to you and I think you’re being a little pushy if I’m honest.

I’m not sure about all this anymore.

From: jameskabore_859@msn.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Good day my good friend

Dear Mark

Kindly send me your requested assurance information’s for me to complete the transaction
Best Regards
Mr. James Kabore.
+22675447235

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: jameskabore_859@msn.com
Subject: Good day my good friend

Well thanks but that wasn’t very caring, you could have at least apologised.

I’m still unsure. If you can apologise then I guess this will show me you do care and we can look at this transfer & tromboning. We’ll deal with ‘us’ at a later date.

From: jameskabore_859@msn.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Good day my good friend

I’m sorry. Please can you kindly send me the details and I can process the transaction at my earliest convenience.

Best Regards
Mr. James Kabore.
+22675447235

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: jameskabore_859@msn.com
Subject: Good day my good friend

Oh I can’t stay mad at you Jim!

I’ve had a think and I don’t think the pressure of the $9m will be helpful to our relationship so I don’t want to do it anymore.

How about you just come over here and I’ll toss you off into a wellington boot?

From: jameskabore_859@msn.com
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Good day my good friend

No.

Best Regards
Mr. James Kabore.
+22675447235

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: jameskabore_859@msn.com
Subject: Good day my good friend

Queer

How to deal with a spam email part 3. My dead dog.

To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Santander – Santander Secure Activation Confirmation
From: santandersafe@securesuite.net

Account Suspension Notice

Valued Santander Customer,

We have automatically suspended access to your online
banking account for your security.

Reason: The personal details section of your account
contains Incomplete information.

Verify and confirm your Santander Bank Online account
details now and enjoy the benefits of Online Banking to
avoid fraudulent activities on your account in future.
Please click here to confirm your account activity.

If not completed until January 16, we will
be forced to close your account .

Thanks For Banking With Us
Santander Bank.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: santandersafe@securesuite.net
Subject: RE: Santander – Santander Secure Activation Confirmation

Hi valued bankers,

Wow, thank you for taking these measures to secure my account, I had no idea my security information was incomplete. Any sort of dastardly tinker could have got their grubby trotters on my money couldn’t they?

The link you provided doesn’t work. Please advise what information you need from me to get this all in order. Do you need my account number/sort code etc, as I can email them across. That would be preferable to me in the interests of security.

Thanks

Mark

To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Santander – Santander Secure Activation Confirmation
From: santandersafe@securesuite.net

Valued Santander Customer,

We confirm receipt of your email.

If you cannot access the link then please can you provide the missing details.

Account Number

Sort code

Name

Security question

Security question answer

We may then verify your Santander Bank Online account
details now and enjoy the benefits of Online Banking to
avoid fraudulent activities on your account in future.

If not completed until January 16, we will
be forced to close your account .

Thanks For Banking With Us
Santander Bank.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: santandersafe@securesuite.net
Subject: RE: Santander – Santander Secure Activation Confirmation

Hi valued bankers,

Great, thanks for this. I’m sure it’s not your usual practise to accept such sensitive details over email, what with those fascists the FSA squeezing you by the chap and dangles (metaphorically speaking, of course), but in this instance I’d rather use email.

If I went into a branch, you never know the background of the cashier in question and they may be pilfering your details to duplicate your account to buy drugs and cars and prostitutes and sandwiches and arm bands and bracelets and Chewits and a spade and a new beach house in the Algarve, or use their ill gotten gains to set up a prostitution racket or local sports team.

What font would you prefer the details in? Is it case sensitive? If you request Comic Sans then we will have to find another method of doing this.

Yours,

Mark

To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Santander – Santander Secure Activation Confirmation
From: santandersafe@securesuite.net

Valued Santander Customer,

We confirm receipt of your email.

Font is not important. Provide please these details and we will verify your account.

Account Number

Sort code

Name

Security question

Security question answer
If not completed until January 16, we will
be forced to close your account .

Thanks For Banking With Us
Santander Bank.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: santandersafe@securesuite.net
Subject: RE: Santander – Santander Secure Activation Confirmation

Hi valued bankers,

Phew! That’s a relief. Sorry to be so curt about the font thing. The note left to me by my dog after he died was written in Comic Sans and it’s always haunted me. To be honest I think my dad wrote it rather than my dog, as firstly I’m pretty sure they don’t type and I’m not sure he could have foreseen being hit by an S Class Mercedes in time write a goodbye note. But the sentiment has always affected me in a profound manner. I think it’s largely to blame for my erectile dysfunction to be honest but that’s a side issue.

Anyway. Before I send this information across I wanted to check something. You know you keep signing off with “Thanks For Banking With Us, Santander Bank” is it a major problem that I don’t, and have never, banked with Santander?

Will this affect the verification of my imaginary account?

Thanks
Mark

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: santandersafe@securesuite.net
Subject: RE: Santander – Santander Secure Activation Confirmation

Chaps,

Not heard anything back, I’m concerned this is affecting the security of my Santander account?

Thanks
Mark

To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Santander – Santander Secure Activation Confirmation
From: s santandersafe@securesuite.net

You said you did not hold a Santander Bank Account

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: santandersafe@securesuite.net
Subject: RE: Santander – Santander Secure Activation Confirmation

Sorry, I’m like that sometimes.My girlfriend hates it. Only yesterday I finally admitted to her after 5 years that I wasn’t adopted, and I’ve never actually been on a Kenyan safari. She was furious.

My main account is Santander.

To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Santander – Santander Secure Activation Confirmation
From: santandersafe@securesuite.net

Valued Santander Customer,

We confirm receipt of your email.

If you cannot access the link then please can you provide the missing details.

Account Number

Sort code

Name

Security question

Security question answer

We may then verify your Santander Bank Online account
details now and enjoy the benefits of Online Banking to
avoid fraudulent activities on your account in future.

If not completed until January 16, we will
be forced to close your account .

Thanks For Banking With Us
Santander Bank.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: santandersafe@securesuite.net
Subject: RE: Santander – Santander Secure Activation Confirmation

I don’t think you’ve been very sensitive about the death of my dog to be honest. I’ll just go into my local branch.

It’s a Barclays.

Thanks anyway though.

Mark

How to deal with a spam email part 2

From: margareta.de.kock2@telenet.be
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: HP Cash New Year Offer!!!

Nine Hundred And Fifty Thousand Pounds Was Awarded To Your ID In The HP Cash New Year Offer, Send your:
Name, Address, Phone/Number, Country

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: margareta.de.kock2@telenet.be
Subject: RE: Contact The Transfer/Delivery Bank Immidiately‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

That’s an awful lot of money Margareta! Is this from HP Daddies Sauce or Hewlett and Packard?

Thanks,

Mark

From: georges.van.den.abeele@telenet.be

To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Contact The Transfer/Delivery Bank Immidiately‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Dear Esteemed Winner,
I wish to infosm you that the receipt of your mail was acknowledged. Your details has been forwarded from the HP ELECTRONICS PROMO BOARD to the Royal Bank of Scotland Plc were your winning funds was deposited. The Bank is presently in possession of your winning and supporting documents.

In this regards you are now required to contact the Royal Bank of Scotland Plc with details below:
Bank Name: Royal Bank of Scotland Plc
Contact Person: Mr. Alrick Kelvin
Phone Number: Tel: +447024015867

Email: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk
It is very important that you quote your File Ref No:HP/121/HY/007, in any corresponding email when contacting the back, in other to receive timely response.
Wish you all the best of Luck,

REGARDS.
MR. LEWIS CAMPBELL

CLAIMS MANAGER

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Contact The Transfer/Delivery Bank Immidiately‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Hello Lewis,

There were a couple of spelling mistakes in your mail you know? Don’t worry though, I do the same thing regularly, quick slip of the finger on an email and something bad happens, eh? I once signed off a client email with ‘kind retards’ instead of ‘kind regards’ but thankfully they weren’t personally affected by any form of learning difficulties, kind hearted or otherwise, and saw the funny side.
Have you taken over from Margarita in arranging this prize? She never answered my question as to whether the prize from HP was as in Daddies Sauce, or the ones who make printers and stuff, but I guess seen as you’ve called it HP ELECTRONICS PROMO BOARD it’s probably the latter.

Shall I go into my nearest Royal Bank of Scotland branch with these details or just email them to you?

I’m very much looking forward to receiving my money.

Thanks
Mark

From: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Royal Bank of Scotland

12C Sigmund ARD, High Street,

Chobham, Surrey GU24 8AF

Tel: +447024015867

Fax: +44 702 409 3625

Dear Esteemed Beneficiary
After receiving confirmation from the HP Promotion Award that you are one of the PROMO WINNERS, we are presenting you with the following options with which you would prefers to receive your winning funds of £950,000.00 (Nine Hundred And Fifty Thousand Pounds Sterling Only) in our possession. You are to pick one from the two option listed below and we will act on it soon.

FIRST OPTION:
NEW ACCOUNT SETUP: You will have to open a new Bank account with this Bank (Royal Bank of Scotland Plc) and it will be registered for International Transfer and note that you can make transfer online, which will take 24 – 72 hours to get to your local Bank account in your country. After the Opening of an account, an account will be activated and the logins details will be forwarded to you and that will enables you login and have access into your account online via our website.

SECOND OPTION:
Dispatch Of An ATM CARD: You shall receive an ATM CARD which your winning prize has already been credited into. Once this Card is given to you, the funds can then be withdrawn in any Bank in the world. However a courier company which is also an affiliate to the HP Company, will deliver the ATM CARD TO YOU AT YOUR DOOR STEP.

After reading through the above option you are also to fill the form below:

Receiver’s Full Name:…………………………………..
Receiver’s Address:…………………………………….
Country Of Origin:……………………………………….
Current Country:…………………………………………
Home Number:………………………………………….
Cell Number:…………………………………………….
Occupation:……………………………………………..
Preferred Option:………………………………………

Your urgent reply will be most welcome.

We look forward to serving you better.

Best Regards,
Mr. Alrick Kelvin
Director International Remittance Dept
Royal Bank of Scotland Plc
The Approved Bank for HP Promotion Award.
Copyright © 2011.. Royal Bank of Scotland Plc All rights reserved…

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Hi Alrick,

I was going to go into my nearest branch but RBS emailing me directly is a much easier and safer way for us to conduct this business I guess. What happened to Lewis? I hope he hasn’t been fired or demoted for anything to do with me? Or Margareta for that matter?

I’d like option one, please so go ahead and set up the new account. I trust you already have all necessary details? There’s no point in me getting the ATM card, I always lose them. I’d lose my balls if they weren’t in a bag to tell the truth.

Thanks
Mark

p.s. while I do enjoy your obsequious greeting of being called ‘Esteemed Beneficiary’, please feel free to just call me Mark, I think we’re past formalities if you’re giving me £950,000.

From: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)

‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Dear Esteemed Beneficiary

In order to claim your prize using option one, please provide following details to set up your new account –

Your urgent reply will be most welcome.

We look forward to serving you better.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏
Alrick, I don’t want to jeopardise my winnings but I believe I asked you to call me Mark, all this esteemed this/esteemed that is getting a touch tiresome.

Can you ask Lewis, or preferably Margarita to resume coordination of this instead? I don’t like the cut of your jib.

From: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Dear Esteemed Beneficiary

Respectufully please can you provide your persoanl details to arrange the transfer.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk

CC: margareta.de.kock2@telenet.be
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏
Alrick, I warned you. I have copied in Margareta. Despite her mucky surname I think her professionalism and all round sex appeal puts yours to shame.

Margareta, please can you advise Alrick to wind his neck in?

From: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Dear Mr Mark

Respectufully please can you provide your persoanl details to arrange the transfer.

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk

CC: margareta.de.kock2@telenet.be
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏
Close, not quite what I was after but it’ll do. That wasn’t too hard was it Alrick? Thank you very much.

In any case, I’ve decided I’d be better off without the money, I’d only piss it up the wall anyway, my uncle Frank won £1m on the lottery and he ended up drinking his internal organs into a soft paste. Please may you donate it to a charity of my choice, like celebrities do on quiz games?

From: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk
To: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To: royal-fundstransferunit@hotmail.co.uk

CC: margareta.de.kock2@telenet.be
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Ok, just give it to Margareta then.

Fancy a drink sometime M, you’re paying with your newfound wealth though!

From: margareta.de.kock2@telenet.be
To:mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

From: mark.jorgensen@hotmail.co.uk
To:margareta.de.kock2@telenet.be
Subject: Dear Esteemed Beneficiary (Read Carefully and Select an option)‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Ungrateful lesbian.